February 1 - 4.
A Wedding in Sydney

Paul, the bridegroom-to-be, and Grant, the best man, were waiting for me as I shuffled across the arrivals hall at Sydney Airport. They looked at me and laughed. Yes very funny lads. My body had no idea what timezone it was in. Two days earlier I had arrived in Melbourne from London, feeling absolutely knackered.

It was Thursday, and I was hoping my body would get its act together by the time the wedding rolled around on Saturday. In the afternoon I met the other groomsman (blokey member of the wedding party), Troy. I was a source of constant amusement - I didn't actually say anything funny, in fact I was making No Sense Whatsoever. Carey, the bride-to-be, politely asked me to be quiet because I was embarrassing myself. Fair call.

On the Friday night we had a quiet Boys Night Out, culminating at the Revesby Workers' Club - a class establishment. There was a live band (the lead singer had hair like a Fraggle), plenty of pokies, and a frightening number of underage kids. And two old birds doing the classic "mutton dressed as lamb" and taking it to a new level. A scary level. A gut-churning level. A say-goodbye-to-dinner level.

Saturday arrived soon enough, and we all slipped into our suits. Mmm, black three-piece suits on a humid Sydney summer afternoon. We may have been smelly, but we looked good. After an hour of making love to the camera (translation: pre-wedding photographs) we moseyed on over to the venue for the wedding.

Observations from the wedding ceremony:

• Troy's son (aged: old enough to walk) running around like a loon

• Carey knew her vows off by heart

• no "where are the rings?" routine!! (alright!)

On Sunday the newlyweds dropped me off at the train station (they did slow down a bit as they pushed me out the door) and I waited and waited for a train to take me to Central. From there I caught a train to Canberra, our nation's capital! (in case you didn't know)

A not unattractive woman sat next to me and dropped off to sleep some way into the journey, allowing me to entertain myself by staring down her top. (and before y'all start emailing me, I was JUST LOOKING.)