an idiot in london


Saturday, 26th August.
Mud and pills

It belted down overnight. I awoke knowing that I hadn't brought my rain jacket, only a Carlton Football Club poncho that my Mum sent me some months ago.

But before I ventured outside I needed to find out the footy result. I figured we had lost, because my brother would've sent me an excited text message had we won. Mum broke the news to me, and said that the umpiring was shocking, and Carlton could've lost by less if it hadn't been for those maggots in white.

As the rain eased off I left the tent and went off to the stalls near the main arena to see if I could buy a coat or something. Something a little more robust than my flimsy Carlton poncho, and also I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to confront an Essendon supporter, should there be any 14-year-old girls from Ascot Vale at the Reading Festival. I forked out 5 for the second-to-last poncho. That was the cue for the rain to stop. Bugger.

I had a funny old afternoon. I started to feel ill during Elastica's set (who wouldn't) but managed to avoid puking.

At this juncture I should explain the setup at the Reading Festival. There's the main stage, where all the big acts like Oasis, Primal Scream etc play. Then there's the BBC Radio 1 stage, which is where the second-rate bands play. Then there's the Carling Premier stage, where the really crap bands play. The dance tent is where you go to score drugs, and the comedy tent is where you go after you've scored drugs.

When I was feeling better (after Elastica had finished) I wandered from tent to tent but everywhere I went the bands were finishing just as I arrived. There was a lame DJ playing in the dance tent. I decided to leave.

Then some bloke tugs on my sleeve. "DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BILL?" he yelled over the boom of the PA. I figured I had mis-heard him. "I BEG YOUR PARDON?" I yelled back. "DO YOU HAVE ANY PILLS?" he yelled back. I shook my head, figuring it best not to tell him about the Strepsils in my pocket.

Amusing toilet story #2:
This may have actually happened on Friday, I can't remember, but I was in the gents loos, watering the porcelain and I noticed a young couple getting to grips with each other in one of the cubicles. How romantic, having sex in the stinking loos at the Reading Festival. "So tell me Mummy, where was I conceived? Was it beautiful?" "Well actually I got knocked up in the blokes crappers at a music festival."

Second on the bill on the main stage was Beck. He was dynamic, energetic and in fine voice. His supporting cast of musicians were dressed up in way-out costumes, the perfect complement to Beck's stylings. Everyone was blown away by his performance. He finished the set by tying up the stage in Police tape!

I felt a bit sorry for Pulp having to follow Beck. They tried their best, but the crowd had already peaked. Well, I had, that's for sure.

Oh is this the way they say the future's meant to feel?
Or just twenty thousand people standing in a field